Honesty
I've been meaning to write this for a while and after the rantings of yesterday thought it might be semi-appropriate. By the way big thanks to you all who were so kind to me yesterday and don't worry I've locked my feelings up in a big wooden trunk again until I need them again ;P. I began thinking about this a long time ago and it surfaced again with the recent (I say recent but within roughly the past 6 weeks; shows how long I've been procrastinating) departure of a friend of mine (I'm not saying anymore as to their identity because that might crack open the big wooden chest again).
Anyway a while back this friend told that I was a gift from God to them, this completely blindsided me, not entirely that it was true but that it was said at all. In classic Jared styles I didn't say anything at the time and went back home. The next day I sent a massive email to my friend saying thank you and how much they meant to me, ie being completely honest. This got me thinking about honesty and what its all about.
I think my biggest problem with honesty has always been the fact that if you are completely honest with someone then it gives them 'power' of you. Not only do they know the embarrassing little secrets but also what makes you tick. This completely turned me off being completely honest since I never want to be in a position of weakness and vulnerability. Then I became a Christian and still I kept this lack of honesty going on. It was only when my friend said the aforementioned statement to me that I really had to examine my emotions for the first time ever and I got quite a shock. I had these things called emotions.
From this a whole raft of thoughts came to me. Firstly inspite of the knowledge that God sees everything and God knows everything I still tried to lie to Him and ignore stuff I had done. This followed into the second point that I lied to myself regarding my actions and tried to use doublethink (ie forget something happened, then forget forgetting etc.) on myself. Finally this lead to lying to my friends about myself. By lying used here I don't obviously mean telling my friends that I was a six foot tall Russian gymnast named Olga with purple skin but rather being less than completely honest about the way I was or the what was going on with me. I realised this that honesty is a three-fold process and is a way of life. Some of you may have heard that life is a three-fold process as well and consists of ordering your priorities, and best way is by the acronym J.O.Y.; Jesus, Others, Yourself. With honesty I think a similar three things should be fore front but foremost is honesty to yourself. From honesty to yourself the other two forms of honesty flow quite readily. But if you are not willing to admit to yourself how you are feeling then how can you do so to another person or to God. St. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 11:28 'But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For he who eats and drinks in an unworthy manner eats and drinks judgement to himself...', examine yourself and be completely honest before coming to commune with our heavenly Father.
Anyway that's some random thoughts out of the coffee-addled brain of Jared.
God's blessings to anyone who reads this.
...
Dang this post has been honest I want anyone who reads it to sign a waver forfeiting the right to use anything on this blog for blackmail purposes against me.
...
I mean it!
Anyway a while back this friend told that I was a gift from God to them, this completely blindsided me, not entirely that it was true but that it was said at all. In classic Jared styles I didn't say anything at the time and went back home. The next day I sent a massive email to my friend saying thank you and how much they meant to me, ie being completely honest. This got me thinking about honesty and what its all about.
I think my biggest problem with honesty has always been the fact that if you are completely honest with someone then it gives them 'power' of you. Not only do they know the embarrassing little secrets but also what makes you tick. This completely turned me off being completely honest since I never want to be in a position of weakness and vulnerability. Then I became a Christian and still I kept this lack of honesty going on. It was only when my friend said the aforementioned statement to me that I really had to examine my emotions for the first time ever and I got quite a shock. I had these things called emotions.
From this a whole raft of thoughts came to me. Firstly inspite of the knowledge that God sees everything and God knows everything I still tried to lie to Him and ignore stuff I had done. This followed into the second point that I lied to myself regarding my actions and tried to use doublethink (ie forget something happened, then forget forgetting etc.) on myself. Finally this lead to lying to my friends about myself. By lying used here I don't obviously mean telling my friends that I was a six foot tall Russian gymnast named Olga with purple skin but rather being less than completely honest about the way I was or the what was going on with me. I realised this that honesty is a three-fold process and is a way of life. Some of you may have heard that life is a three-fold process as well and consists of ordering your priorities, and best way is by the acronym J.O.Y.; Jesus, Others, Yourself. With honesty I think a similar three things should be fore front but foremost is honesty to yourself. From honesty to yourself the other two forms of honesty flow quite readily. But if you are not willing to admit to yourself how you are feeling then how can you do so to another person or to God. St. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 11:28 'But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For he who eats and drinks in an unworthy manner eats and drinks judgement to himself...', examine yourself and be completely honest before coming to commune with our heavenly Father.
Anyway that's some random thoughts out of the coffee-addled brain of Jared.
God's blessings to anyone who reads this.
...
Dang this post has been honest I want anyone who reads it to sign a waver forfeiting the right to use anything on this blog for blackmail purposes against me.
...
I mean it!
5 Comments:
I here by agree and do solemnly swear to attempt to use the content of this blog to black mail you and or any body else who should at any time feature on this blog should I ever need to, desire to, or get a chance to blackmail you!
I also acknowledge that you are likely to attempt to use any content of my own blog to blackmail me should I attempt to blackmail you at any stage, and therefore I propose that we sign a truce of mutual destruction/cold war/blog deterrence to prevent the simultaneous destruction of both our respect ego's and self centred existences should either of us be tempted! :P
Note should any dispute arise to do with this agreement it should be settled in a civilized manner by a competion to the best out of 3 involving one game of Settlers of Catan Cities and Knights, one of Chess and one of Lord of the Rings Risk!
Should we be unable to attend such an event our seconds should stand in for us.I nominate my second to be the right friendly Andrew Wallace who is unlikely to refuse to play any of the fore mentioned games!
Haha, lets take an axe to that wooden chest and we'll turn you into a sensitive new-aged guy in no time! Hmm, does that mean you'd have to start wearing colours other than black?
It's really cool that you think like this and that you're taking baby steps to being honest and acknowledging you have emotions (gasp!) to the world. I'm happy for you. Another friend of mine was all like 'grunt, I don't have emotions', and one of my greatest achievments this year was making her cry, harharhar. Oh, Jared we should hang out more often :D.
Post it brother! I think that becoming a SNAG might be going a bit far - but going postal on account of not "cleaning out your refridgerator" is not cool :)
Guys can admit they have feelings, as long as the do it with lots of grunts. In fact - I think that that is one of the reasons that the language of grunt appeared in the first place - a way of communicating large volumes of information with the smallest amount of social interaction possible.
gruntgruntGRUNTfeelingsGruntmumblerugby.... :P
I completely agree with you Argenbar. Women think we men don't communicate but why waste time with length sentences when a series of grunts will suffice. Uh, Ah, Yeah, Urgh, Argh, Uhj, Grunt when linked together in the correct manner will say more than words ever could. And then we can get back to rugby, beer, cars ;P.
I am hearing a lot of comments regarding me becoming a SNAG. I hearby announce this if ever I am seen to be a SNAG or becoming a SNAG I give you all permission to shoot me to put me out of my misery. It is for my good. :D.
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I am serious!
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